The Rogue's Gallery →
The Rogue’s Gallery is a list of the worst journalists, columnists, hacks and ideologues operating in Australia today. I’ve collated my articles about Australia’s worst media hacks into an easy list.
Seinfelt: The Telephone Line →
seinfelt: Elaine gets a call from a man who claims to have gotten her number from a mutual friend. Despite having reservations about going on a blind date under such shady circumstances, the man sounds so charming that she decides to take her chances. When she arrives at the restaurant, however, the maître d’ informs her that her date has called to cancel. Disappointed, she returns home, finding...
Gemma Jones Brings The Hate
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com. This is the final entry in a series on media hacks. No images of Gemma Jones exist on the web. This photograph of The Toxic Avenger is presented without regret or editorial oversight. Gemma Jones has been the primary federal politics reporter at The Daily Telegraph for a decade now. At some point either before or during her tenure, her brain disintegrated...
Piers Akerman Knows What’s Right
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com. This is part of a continuing series on Australian media hacks. Piers Akerman is the worst person. He is a toad in a wig, granted the power of speech by a wizard. His utter contempt for the slice of humanity who aren’t Piers Akerman is unrivalled. He grovels like a monstrous pig at the feet of the rich and powerful. He treats the poor, the hungry and the...
When I was a child, there was a riverside park near my home which was populated by dozens of aggressive, territorial geese. They honked and screeched at passerby. They bit children wantonly and without regret. There is no greater horror than being bitten by a goose with enough force to draw blood. It engenders a lifelong fear of geese, parks and biting. One day, after years of this waterbird...
The Sad Platitudes of Janet Albrechtsen
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com. This is part of a series on Australian media hacks; a series as yet unnamed. Conservatives in the Western world follow one of two distinct paths. The edges are blurry, and there’s significant ideological leak between the two, but it’s a workable way to break down an insurmountably complex system into bloggable form. They’re either populists – characterised...
Miranda Devine Knows Better
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com. This is the third entry in a series on Australian media hacks. The first two parts, on Alexander Downer and Andrew Bolt, can be found here and here. Reading Daily Telegraph columnist and mild conspiracy theorist Miranda Devine is a constant exercise in reconciling her unspeakably antediluvian views with her plain, almost inoffensive prose. Whereas Andrew...
Andrew Bolt, Undisputed God-King of the Hacks
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com. This is the second article I’ve written about Australia’s current lineup of media hacks. The first, on former Foreign Minister and current Corpse-In-Chief Alexander Downer, can be found here. Andrew Bolt is, as far as I can tell, the result of a failed and boorish attempt by right-wing blowhards to build a lean, Fox News-esque propaganda machine in...
In journalistic terms, he had the morals of an alley cat. The quality of the...– former australian prime minister paul keating, on deceased journalist p.p. mcguinness
“More subtle Jewish references are also included in other aspects of the Rugrats franchise. In The Rugrats Movie, the 1998 film based on the series, Tommy is prepared to pour banana baby food on his infant brother Dil, which would attract a group of vicious monkeys who would likely harm the young baby; the scene parallels the murder of Lot’s Daughter by the people of Sodom and...
Alexander Downer’s Dead Husk Rattles And Whispers
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com “Let me be blunt,” Alexander Downer writes in the opening paragraph to a sad and awful opinion piece in the Sydney Morning Herald. “I think we were right to play our own small part in the destruction of the regime of Saddam Hussein.” These are the words of a terrible man in the twilight of his tenuous credibility; a man who helped pull Australia into a...
The blunt, pathetic reality today is that a little old lady has died, who in the...– Russell Brand, in a rare moment of clear-headed analysis.
Fuck You, Got Mine
Originally posted on jrhennessy.com Last year, unrepentant plutocrat Gina Rinehart made an address to the Sydney Mining Club in which she decried taxation on the mining industry, bemoaned the fact that Australians are unwilling to work in iron-ore mines for two dollars a day and castigated politicians for daring to suggest that unrestrained capitalism might not be the best way to run an...
Jonathan Lee Riches
“Since January 8, 2006, he has filed over twenty-six hundred lawsuits in federal district courts across the country, some of which have received considerable press attention. Among the more famous defendants of his lawsuits are Dallas area lawyer Treyson Brooks, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, former President of the United States George W. Bush, Martha Stewart, NASCAR driver Jeff...
Seinfelt: The Fool →
seinfelt: Kramer decides to prank the others by using a harness to make it look as though he hanged himself in Jerry’s apartment. The prank backfires when the harness fails and Kramer actually dies. Anticipating such an April Fools stunt, the others go about their business, visiting with each other in the kitchen nook as if Kramer wasn’t even there, occasionally making pointed comments about him...